Emotions vs. Logic

Going to school in a foreign country means I hear a lot of relationship drama, actually I hear a lot of breakup drama. The distance, stress, alcohol, and allure of a geographically closer partner all essentially lead to the doomed phone call followed by a coupled drunken/tearful nights. I didn't want this, in fact I purposely pushed away the male gender before I left so I could avoid that feeling in your chest that can only be described as a spoon attempting to cut a well-done steak. Then it happened, he happened. What was meant to be a friendship, turned into a dinner, that turned into my final two weeks in the states into something out of one of my cheesy romance novels. However, how does one start a relationship when you have only been intimate with this person for two weeks and you are leaving for an out of country school for two years....I am typing this and I know it sounds crazy. Here's the thing, I miss him.

Shocked to numbness.

It's happened before, where you are told something that leaves you so hurt it turns back on itself to the point of turning you numb.

This isn't the first time I have had my heart broken, nor the 2nd, or 3rd, honestly I have lost track. I keep trying, which I'm not sure is courage or stupidity, you can be the judge. One would hope that after the numerous combinations that have been attempted something would stick other than the pain. Than, something amazing happens, you find someone who you share that rare and magical connection with. The kind of bond that's not forced or created, but it hits a note in your heart from the first hello. No, the birds didn't start singing, the sun did not provide a beam upon us, and to top it off I looked like hell. In my mind these bonds are precious and should be treasured, even if they are completely illogical. When a gift of this sort is presented, it should be appreciated. Someone relationships lack the gift but have the proper setting, making that challenge one of growing/nurturing a level of comfort. Those provided with this blessing of instant comfort usually have the challenge of overcoming a past, distance, bad timing, or in my case a combination of all three. Case and point, ALL relationships have their challenges.

Definitions:
Relationships--> Sharing a bond with someone; not always romantic

So against all odds and common sense, I tread this dangerous path, hoping that for once the risk would pay off. It didn't. Once this happens so many times you begin to question everything about yourself, doubt your judgement, and it makes your spirit ache until the inevitable numbness washes over you. By turning numb you take of the ignorance and perspective that emotions often cloud, it exposes everyone to you.

The worst kind of numbness is the one that follows the heartbreak brought on by someone you held in high esteem and thought you could trust.